Defeating fears

“You defeated South Africa Malene” - Grandma’s first text after my world cup win. I opened it as I sat at the doping control and I got tears in my eyes. She was so right. I really did. 

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A quote that has been hunting me, while I have been away for my first block of racing, said; 
“It’s impossible - said doubt
it’s dangerous - said fear 
It’s not necessary - said sense 
Do it anyway - whispered the heart”

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Those sentences have been running through my mind. Because I have overcome two barriers the last weeks. The first, is my everlasting fear before race season starts - Am I good enough yet? The self-doubting. I wrote some sentences down before the race on Cyprus; I wasn’t afraid of the future, but I was afraid of the past repeating itself. What if I didn’t improve since last year, all the hard work - will it soon pay off? Somehow I managed to convince myself that I might not be their yet, but I’m closer. And with that mindset, I rolled over the finish line in 3rd position at my first race of the season, a C1 on Cyprus, behind two very respected riders. Okay, I’m definitely closer. Leaving to South Africa was my next barrier of fear.

They say that the fears we don’t face become our limits. 

Coming back to SA after three years without was certainly with mixed feelings. Last time I left the place I left with the worst experience of my life. Even after 2 weeks down here now, I’m still aware of everything that happens around me - I guess the brain is smarter than we think. 
We arrived Monday, 5 days before the race, with the Team and got settled in our house. A really nice place in a Golf Estate with top security. Sina and I teamed up in a room and after one night of fighting for the sheet we became all good roommates :-) Haha, no the new team is suiting me well, and I’m really happy to take part in it. Especially in this World Cup week they were amazing and made my head focus on the importance. Tuesday Lisa, Barbara and I went to the new track to check it out. It was not officially open, so there were a few parts we couldn’t ride. But this was a big a day for me. As we entered the course I took a big breath, and just thought about “Inhale courage - exhale fear”. 

Because back in 2015 I was assaulted on a course-practice in South Africa. 
Together with the National Team, we were on a race/training camp down here. It was a race close to Johannesburg, where we went to check out some lines two days before the race. The story got viral in Denmark and was all over the Danish news, “Danish mountain bike girl assaulted in South Africa”. But besides that it was not really a public known story in the mountain-bike world - I guess because that just happens to people here..? And I didn’t tell the story myself.
But as we rode the track a gap between me and the boys in front got bigger and half through the lap only me and the national coach, Mads, were left together. Mads needed to pump some more air in his tire so he stopped and I just slowly continued around the next few corners, waiting for him to come back. As I rode into the next section of the course with some corners in a tight forest two men came from my right side and stopped me. One took the bike, one took me. This is not a story for the faint-hearted and as I don’t know everyone

They say that the fears we don’t face become our limits. ​

who opens my blog and read I will leave out the cruel details and let you guys know the ending. Mads saved my life by shouting and yelling the craziest I have ever heard and probably also what the two men had, at least they got so scared that they ran. And I ran. ​
When Mads and I found each other again one of the first things he did was giving me the phone with the psychologist from Team Denmark on the line. So the first one I actually really spoke to was someone who knew a way to handle it. I’m forever thankful to the whole national team and Mads for their way of handling the situation. The day after me and Mads came back to the place where, I at least think, it happened. The brain is really smart when we go into survival mode - you don’t recognize unnecessary information, like where you are. We shouted all the things out. And the next day I did the race as planned.

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So inhale courage - exhale fear. 

Coming back to the present and the 2018 World Cup opener.
​As we rode around on the track I tried to stay occupied with the normal talk of line choices and so on. Day after day I got more and more familiar with the place and the track. And when race day came close I was ready :-)

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On the start line for the World Cup, the “It’s impossible - said doubt” came by - I pushed it away. Not it’s not, I belong in the top. 
Looking out in forest “It’s dangerous - said fear” - I pushed it away. Not it’s not dangerous here Malene.
“It’s not necessary - said sense” - I pushed it away. Yes it is. 
“Do it anyway - whispered my heart” - I let that one stay.   ​

And as the start-gun shot and the legs started to burn it was just about racing and nothing else. And I felt really good. After 2 laps I found myself in the lead with a little gap down to second and

third, Sina and Evie. It felt so cool riding through the feed zone seeing Tom and Uwe cheering me on and Mads giving me some motivational danish words. Everything went pretty smooth for me, I could push myself and focus on the tasks. And when I crossed the finish line before the last lap I knew I just had to get home safe, don't overdo it now. My teammate Sina was behind me in the second position, it motivated me so much to know that our team was having one of those really good days. Crossing the finish line with my arms over my head was one of the craziest feelings I had for a while. Shit. I did it. My work did pay off.

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I overcame those fears and got it all together. And I even bring the white leader jersey with me home. Going to be a different call-up in Albstadt, as I will roll out there as the first one, but I guess the task doesn’t change? Get from A to B as fast as Malene possible can. 

I defeated South Africa 
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/Malene 

P.S. A huge thanks to everybody involved in this journey and Saturday’s victory. 
Ghost Factory Racing Team
- And all our sponsors, Sram, Tune, Sponser, Sigma, Esi-grips, North Wave, Cratoni, Ceramic-speed, Schwalbe, Pepi’s Tire Noodle, GSG, Adidas Eyewear, Crankbrothers, Cyprus Sun Shine Cup
Diæt Piloten 
- Anne Louise
 Icaremassage Lyngby 
- Torben Honore
And all my family, friends and boyfriend