​I guess you’re always a little insecure before the world cup season starts, insecure about your level and state of mind. But when we came to the end of May and the wc season kicked off in Albstadt, I had built my confidence on my consistency throughout the winter/spring training and on my 2nd place in last year’s u23 wc overall. I knew I had what it takes to be a part of the top. But to do it? Oh, girl, that’s a different talk.

​So when I managed to perform at my very best in the two first races it felt unreal. Or at least it was a dream coming true. And another approval for myself; I got this. To come home with 10th and 5th place under the belt gave me a confidence boost and I used that energy to bring home the national title 3 weeks later. What a dream start to the 2019 season! Almost too good to be true, right? 

​And, oh yea, that was too good to be true, only one week after nationals I took a big hit on my left side, on a bike ride, which caused me a bad infection in a wound and left me struggling with my performance for the rest of the 2019 season. 

Being an athlete can be a rollercoaster-life and this was really a time where my carriages on the rail started to roll downwards. Back then I didn’t think my infection was so bad, actually nobody thought it was that bad, but in the end, it took me 8 weeks before I started to feel like myself again. Quite sometime when you are in the middle of a race season. 
I mean I finished 5th in Nove Mesto and the next World Cup I did I was 50th. Just a little difference… 

​Coming from such a high to such a low takes some mental stress too. What da heck is happening to me? I don’t think it's much fun to get smoked every weekend and fighting for finishing the race when I’m used to be one of the girls who are apart of creating the race. But there was not much to do. I had to just let time heal me. And eventually, it did. But that eventually could have shown up a little earlier. There is a style of being fashionably late to parties and I feel like my body did that to me, just for the race-party instead. Now the season is pretty much over and I’m finally feeling good. Not cool to be late for that party. 

​Cause yes I was there. To finish up my race season I did the World Championship and the last World Cup in Snowshoe. And honestly, I felt great out there. I’m might still a bit further back in the field, fighting around the 25-30th position, but I was competing. And it felt awesome. I had the energy to push and ride my bike good. Which was something I missed the weeks after the crash/injury. 

​A synonym to heal is to rebuild. I’m not sure why, but I like that term more. There’s more positivity attached to the word rebuild. Building something sounds good. But what am I building? First I thought I was rebuilding my shape to compete in Les Gets. Then the week of Les Gets began and I wasn’t really ready to ‘compete’. I mean I was there. But actually competing? Not so much. 

​My mind was ready to go and I was full of fire, but it felt like my body and brain wasn’t on the same frequency. I had to admit that 2,5 week after my crash, or more relevant after an infection, I wasn’t ready to put down a hard effort as xc racing requires. I didn’t expect a strong race from myself, but I didn’t expect my body to be so empty and exhausted either. When I was out there I just wanted to finish both races (xcc + xco), chasing the finish line and nothing else. 

​After the race in Les Gets I took some days off to recharge and reset. I have rarely been so tired as  I was after Les Gets. It was a big mouthful for my system. When I made it back to my apartment midweek I felt the energy starting to flow in my body again. What a good feeling after 3 weeks of some kind of strange fatigue state. What was I supposed to build now?
Fitness? Confidence? Skills? Trust? Experience? Was I supposed to recreate what was lost? 
My training was planned to build up towards a weekend with tougher trainings. When the challenging workouts came I was a bit concerned, but to my relief, it went fairly all right. What a relief. 

​Can I rebuild myself again? The season is lacking towards its finishing half. Do I have time? 
What I do have is races. So I think I will start with that, and try to use it as my rebuilding. This week I’m heading to the Czech Republic for the European Championship followed by two rounds of the UCI World Cup. 

Including team-relays and Short-track, it’s 6 starts over the next 3 weeks.  I hope I can make it 3 steps on a staircase. Seeing Europeans as my first step - I wanna feel the energy flow in my muscles again and I wanna feel good on my bike in the technical features. ​

I had hit a hole in the gravel road, in that 1 second, I was looking away. One-second of paying attention to something else and then boom. It took me a little while to get up and get myself together. All the worst fears were ruining through my mind at that moment - how hurt am I? It definitely hurts, but? It was bleeding a lot from my elbow and I removed a rock from it. That didn’t really stop the bleeding… so I called Loic and told him to find me. “I’m on the gravel road close to the city…” Good luck Loic. 
He found me, I got cleaned up and at the hospital, they stitched my elbow together. 

Recovery 

I'm 22 now and I still turn 12 when I have to call my mor (mom) and tell her that I'm hurt. Like when I talk with the doctor I can keep it cool; 'yea, bit painful, can't really move but it's okay'. Then I hear my mum's voice and I'm just cracking like, 'mooaaar it's horrible, I'm so not okay'. 
Wondering if I will ever grow too old for that, hah. 

Anyways. The skin missing wasn't really a 'big' deal, even tho it was a big area and it did bring pain, the skin repair itself quite fast (the human body is pretty amazing). 7 days after this picture was taken I only had some light pink marks left. (I kept it 'wet' the whole time under covers, and it worked super well). 
The elbow.. Was a bigger deal. An inflammation came doing the first 24 hours and I started on Antibiotics. It didn't evolve well, and I had no strength. So after 3 days, I got prescripted a new antibiotic with a bigger spectrum (=kills more enemies in the body). That was a game changer and my elbow started to get a normal colour, temperature and form. Halleluja. 

Getting back to training

After 5 days laying on the sofa, it was time to feel the body on the bike again. I wasn't sick anymore - I don't know why but while my body was working on the infection it made me feel sick, so I stayed on that sofa, hah, maybe it knows me? 
The short spin was so unpleasant. I had looked much forward for this moment and then it turned out to be so disappointing. Crap. 
I called my team-manager and told him about my sensations on the bike. He gave me the idea to check the hr every morning to follow the response of my road back to training. 
After a few days of short rides, my body started to feel normal again. 

What a good feeling. Setbacks always give perspectives. 
8 days post crashing, the only thing that hold me back and still does is the weakness of my elbow. Training on the tarmac is not a problem, but a little speed bump or something alike feel like a shock in the elbow. 

The antibiotic definitely has an impact on my body and I am really cautious about everything I am doing. My training load, recovery, mood, food, hydration and so on. Trying to be honest with myself. How are you today Malene? 
If I want to be resilient in this situation, I have to roll back the super-hero-I-can-do-everything feeling, I think. 

I do have that feeling, if you wonder. It's my 'I'm-a-strong-iiindeeeepeeendent-woman' feeling, haha. It comes in handy most of the time, but I can also shoot myself in the foot at times. So Malene, take it easy. 
Easy to say - hard to do.

When I first crashed I didn't even think about missing the WC. I was just focused on healing as fast as possible. 
But as the days went by I had to admit that I couldn't possible ride a World Cup when I couldn't even ride on tarmac without a lot of caution and pain. ​

One thing is to call the team and tell it. But another thing is to say it out loud and admit to yourself. 

It might sound silly, but it's a little heartbreaking. I was so excited to ride in the colour of the danish flag on the awesome track in Andorra. 
Not this year anyway.

​Health over any race, always. 

With the antibiotic 10-day cure coming to an end my body is feeling stronger and more capable of doing what I could prior the crash. ​​
So with all the small positive notes and progresses I am looking forward to travel to Les Gets for next weekend. I really hope I will be ready for it. At least I'm doing my best at staying calm, train smart and being resilient.