That’s one of the words I have written in my journal with capital letters. I have to remember that. It is a word on my list of “To Do’s” in 2020. Listen more. Listen more to what my body is telling me, instead of being too obsessed with the ‘tick-all-the-boxes’ style. Being better at doing what feels right. ​
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I saw a patten over the past year, that have made me realize, that I havn’t really always been honest with myself, which has caused me various of problems. So I thought that if I could change something in my behavior, I would see improvements and most importantly be a happier Malene.

​That’s all easy to say, but to do? Well, more of a challenge.

It’s not so easy to stop and feel. How am I today? What decisions can I take today that will bring me closer to my goal tomorrow?
My January training has been going great, 3 continuous weeks of work, a week of rest and now back to work. In my week of rest I joined the national team camp, in the Calpe area, for 4 days. So out of the 7 days, doing that week, I had 2 harder rides with the DK-team. It felt good to ride with the group I know so well, and catch up. Maybe it wasn’t ideal to do a trip in the middle of the week where I was supposed to rest up, but on the other hand maybe that was perfectly ideal?
I came home Saturday late in the afternoon, did the grocery and went to bed. When I woke up Sunday morning I wasn’t feeling particular fresh or eager to train (an easy endurance ride was planned). Not even a good morning coffee could get me pumped. ​

So I decided to listen.
How am I today? I’m a bit tired honestly.
What was the purpose of this week? The intention was to rest and feel ready for another block of training.
If the intention was to rest up, and I don’t feel fresh to go for this ride. Maybe the best decision, that will get me closer to my goals, is to skip today?
I ended up walking 2 hours in the forest instead, cleaning trails. ​

So when my I looked back at my week Sunday evening and reflected on it, a smile formed on my face. What a nice week. Seeing the national team, train with them, laugh with them, and then complete the week with sticking to one of my goals. Being more aware of, me. 

​There is some saying about, ‘work hard in silence, show them with the noise of success’, or something like that, maybe thats what happened. Even tho that's not really my still, after all, haha. Since I made it home from my trip to Curacao I have been focused on making the best end to this year. Make most out of December. In order to do that, I started with building a plan and answer questions. As you might know by now, I like to reflect on my own self. And as the year is lacking towards its end I find it perfect to think of the future with the knowledge of the past.

​What went well in 19’ and most importantly, why? What have been some of my mistakes the past year? What would I like to improve in the new year? Can I turn negative events into something positive?
So I sit down. And I answer my questions. For me writing have such a therapeutic effect, I don’t know if it works for you, but maybe give it a go? I find it important to ask yourself questions in order to move forward. But stay in a positive mindset, at least that's my approach. How can I get better? Rather than; what did I do wrong? 

​I found, that for me right now, my improvements are found off the bike. In my casual life, or how you call it. Some small actions that aren’t obvious attached to my professional life, but I think will have affect in the long run. Sometimes the smallest steps have the biggest impact, right? 

​So with some clear goals in mind, on and off the bike, I feel empowered to start a new year. December feels like a teaser. A little sneak peek of 2020. The plan was to do a 3-week block of progressive training. Half-half in Denmark and Spain. The first half, spent in Denmark, was a time I needed to see familiar faces and work on some new stuff with my coach. Get a bike fit and other relevant stuff for my preparation. Besides all the mud training of course.
The other half was spent in Spain working on volume. Hours on the bike feels somehow easier under the sun… We planned it so my 3-weeks would end around Christmas time, so I could get a rest-week at the same time as the holiday of my family and friends began. 

​If you are a man reading this. Chill. It’s just blood. And that’s how we work, us, women. We can bleed for 5 days without dying. Just sayin’

And if you are a woman reading this, or girl for that matter, thinking, eww Malene, not that topic. Don’t be ashamed of your period, for **** sake, you are a woman and it’s freaking cool to be a woman. Period

First of all, I want to make sure that you know that I’m no scientist, (surprise)… But for real. If you want to know more about this topic I would take a look at dr. Stacy Sims research (and book). She will for sure give you all the right terms and explanations. 
For me, this is more about addressing some of the symptoms I have and what I/we can do about it. It’s no biology lesson 

​How my cycle affected me is first something I really have started to look at as I have grown a little older (soon 23!! I’m not old enough to use that term.. but yea here we go), when I was a teenager it didn’t affect me much - or, so many other feelings and hormones affected me that I didn’t have time to think about my cycle. That changed. As an athlete, you are in touch with every little change in your body, and for me, there are two things that I have noticed, when it comes to this. Or I say it’s two things, but honestly, I think they are walking hand in hand. (And there will probably be more to add to this list over the next many years) 
((..fyi, My cycle is around 30 days, ish))

​The week leading up to my period I am often more down and moody. It doesn’t take much to knock me down. And my mini-Malene inside of me is not always so nice (We all have a mini version of ourselves inside talking, right? Or did I watch too much Lizzie Mcguire?). She can actually be kind of rude at times. If I have a bad hair day it's always in that week... joke aside, but you get the point? So when I head out for training I will already feel a bit mæ-mææ before I even start and then I get out there and it feels way harder than normal to hit my numbers. I can do it, but it’s just not as enjoyable. I’m also often saltier (sweat) after my rides and I’m in general just not as cool as ‘normal’. The recovery is poorer and in general, it's just a bit more annoying to be me. 

​Then my period arrives and I'm celebrating. I know better days are coming. Cause when it starts I will already feel better. And the next weeks are for me so awesome. I can train hard and recover better. And mini-Malene is way nicer. 

​It’s also important for me to mention that I know how these hormones are affecting me, but that doesn’t mean I let them control me. I know what to do to make me feel more confident and happy on the low days, and I can do actions against my 'symptoms'.

​Like being more aware of my hydration, recovery process and so on.  I know I can get through my training and I’m also aware of being okay with saying not today. I have done some really good races in my pms period (pre) and during my period, just to say that menstruation doesn’t hold me back in any way. It’s apart of being a female athlete and you have to find your way around it. 
I think being aware is the best advise I can give. 

And celebrate that you have it. 

​Honestly, it means we are healthy humans. 

​— For women who struggle with pain and so on this is of course super annoying and a different case. I don't struggle too much with any of these symptoms. Which can be super performance hindering. So this was just my experience - it’s not a fact book. There is plenty of ways to feel and handle this. You are normal whatever you feel and do. 

​If you have any questions you are welcome to write to me here or on IG - dm me and I will try to come back to you. 

Hope it was useful and a bit funny to read. 

xoxo 
Malle